i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Randomize
