I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
