There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Green mimosas i think yes
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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