Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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