shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
