Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
