Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it because I queefed?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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