were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
