just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
