i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
