in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
