right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
