I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
