You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
