Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
