ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
