mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
