i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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