I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
