Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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