Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What a fucking waste of an outfit
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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