omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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