Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Alive.
So much puke
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
