drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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