Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
