So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I am one with the molecules
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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