I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He's on the porch naked. Help.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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