I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
