Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
