No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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