I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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