I just saw a hot homeless man
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
