chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
