remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
