the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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