In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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