I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you made out with another girl for some wings
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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