this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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