my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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