Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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