my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
