and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
