you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
