i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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