Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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