It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
