It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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