i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
