you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize
