Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
