He kissed a someone with a penis
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Come on in and take your pants off
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