I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
