I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
