I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
