where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I did not marry a roomba.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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