My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
