just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
