I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
