If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
