I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
